More than a few clients have asked me what I think of the Charlie Sheen spectacle raging from our nightly news and entertainment programs as of late.
We watch in disbelief wondering how someone with as much fame, wealth and connections as Sheen can be self-destructing the way he is. Some ask, is he sick? Others suggest it’s a hoax – not unlike the one Joachim Phoenixstaged when pretending to retire from acting and become a rap star. And, still others wonder if he’s just someone with immense self-confidence expressing himself in an annoying way. After all, he really seems to believe he’s the winner in all of this.
The truth is, there is a much darker reality at play here. Individuals with egos larger than life are – contrary to popular belief – lacking in self-confidence and have little or no positive self-regard. They suffer from low self-worth and a fundamental inability to feel comfortable in their own skin. In fact, whenever a person repeatedly tells us how happy they are, it is an indication of their unhappiness. Bravado and self-aggrandizement are merely attempts to convince themselves of their worth.
So, what is it that someone like Charlie Sheen needs in order to reverse this current state?
The answer is simply, love.
Yup. While we may be tempted to believe that last thing in the world someone who continually exhibits despicable behaviour deserves is love, it is the very thing they require. For it is a deficit of love that has landed them in the predicament in the first place.
Consider the phenomenon of the therapeutic intervention. Made popular largely by the gritty A&E television series, week after week addicts from all walks of life are asked to cease their self-destructive behaviours and attempt to rebuild their lives. But regardless of the pathology of the addict, the common denominators are self-loathing and a complete and utter lack of self-love. A lack of love creates an emptiness that can be felt in the body, and it is described as such. This emptiness, however, eventually becomes unbearable as it is not our natural state. When this occurs, the void is then filled with an artificial energy source. Be it food, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling or drugs, all are means of filling ourselves with energy. The problem with artificial forms of energy is that they are ultimately insufficient at creating a sustainable equilibrium. As we unconsciously realize that the fillers are not doing their job, we increase their dosage. In the absence of real love energy, we feel powerless to give up the only sources of filler we know. And so, we cling to the addiction.
But the most amazing part of the clinical intervention is that, regardless of the addict or his addiction, the true medicinal component of the intervention is love. The intervention is designed to target this energetic deficit by dictating that the addict’s family literally break the addict with love and compassion. The truth of the situation, its consequences, and the pain it has caused those present is in no way masked, and yet defensiveness and protestations are ultimately overcome by the high concentration of love being targeted at the addict. It is a truly remarkable phenomenon to witness.
But, if you’ve ever tuned into the show, you will watch how more often than not, addicts will revert back to their pre-intervention behaviours and become consumed once again by their addiction.
At the end of the day, we can be loved by our parents, loved by our friends, or loved by our fans, but if we do not know how to love ourselves, the effects of this love-deficit will eventual wreak havoc upon our lives.
So, all poor old Charlie needs – all any of us needs – is love.
