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I’m in a pickle. I have been seeking the next level in my personal and spiritual development for a long time now, not really knowing where it was going to come from. My frustration has been compounded by the fact that in the last few years all of my great teachers have moved on. And, while I understand that teachers exist in all of our interactions on a daily basis, I have experienced the loss of some very impactful, formal mentors. This has caused an angst and a waywardness at times that I cannot fully describe. At the very least, I have been surprised by the degree to which I relied on these teachers’ guidance and support. In order to move on, I have had to learn to place these feelings aside by listening to the small voice that whispers, “Your teachers have left because you no longer need them.”

But, after years of searching for the next big growth track, it seems that it has finally appeared – and it’s attacking me right where I live. It involves letting go of my addiction to thinking. You heard me: I have recently discovered that I am a thought addict. I am also realizing that this is an affliction from which most suffer.

We talk a lot about people who are ignorant, people who don’t use their heads when making decisions in daily life, and people who have their heads up their arses. We seem obsessed with those of us whom we believe have or do not have “common sense.” Moreover, we have come to place high importance on those of us who have the ability to think. Beyond basic thought, we have gone so far as to practically deify those in our civilization who have the capacity for reason. High intellect is literally worshipped.

In and of itself, thought has the ability to create beautiful things. It is a tool that we are given the opportunity to cultivate during our physical experience, and it is a handy and often practical thing to have around. The problem isn’t the thinking itself, but rather in becoming so mind-identified that we forsake all other vital (and eternal) parts of ourselves. The mind-identified masses rest their very existence upon their ability to think and reason, and on the extent to which others recognize this ability. This is where ego enters in.

 There is much written about the ego, but it seems that it is simply another tool that is designed for practical purposes, but which, having been left to run amok, creates a high degree of suffering within our individual psyches. I’ll never forget Wayne Dyer’s declaration that the Ego was an “Earth Guide Only.” Over the years I have defended the Ego’s relevance and have entered into many debates with therapists, philosophers and spiritual teachers, alike, over the unnecessary demonizing of the Ego, when it exists for very practical reasons. But, like thinking, it becomes a problem when it begins to believe that it alone is of supreme importance.  As Wayne explains, it’s just a navigational aid. It’s not us anymore than our brain’s grey matter is us. How did we get to this point, then?

For millennia we have placed significant value on the power of the human body — a fascinating phenomena and the cornerstone of our very existence. From hunting and gathering to the hammered man, and ultimately to the first Olympics, we have marveled over the physicality of our existence and our ability to powerfully dominate our environment. But, then we entered the latest millennium.

We have since moved into an era of mind. At a certain point in human history, we shifted our focus from the body to the mind – our latest toy. And while the fascination with the body would never disappear, it is slowly being replaced with a new preoccupation – our ability to manipulate our physical reality with our brain-power. From the Age of Reason to the current technological era, we have been turning our focus toward our thinking capacity, creating an entirely new class system within the whole of civilization. And then the damning quote: “I think, therefore I am.”

It is possible that this statement has single-handedly led to the fundamental misunderstanding we have today regarding our existential reality. It is a bi-product of the limited knowledge of the time regarding our true nature. And, it is in this very statement that we bestowed upon the ego its ruthless power: the mind is all there is and, when it is destroyed, we are no more.  With such a belief why wouldn’t we cling to our thoughts? Why wouldn’t we obsessively cultivate our thinking ability?

And so, that thing inside each of us that we identify as “us” – our personality, our inner dialogue — when we come to believe that this is who we are, we fall victim to the greatest misunderstanding ever deduced. To believe that our ego and our individual personalities are all that we are is a limiting and damaging belief of epic proportions. When we rest our existence on our ability to succeed in this life by virtue of our minds and our individual traits, then we set ourselves up for the crushing experience of low self-worth. Because we will always fall short when measuring ourselves against others.  

We are more than our thoughts. The famous Bible quotation resonates for me now, more than it ever did in my undergraduate religious studies courses: “I am that I am.” The focus here on being — outside of time, outside of space. My name is existence, Yaweh declares.

In fact, entire spiritual traditions have been built around the notion of simply being. The Buddha’s teachings underscored the importance of being rather than doing. He went on to say, “It matters not what you do, but who you are while you’re doing what you’re doing.” The problem is, many of us, particularly in our culture, don’t have the faintest idea how to simply be. We’ve become a culture of task-driven activity. Goal-setting at a spiritually suicidal pace is considered virtuous.

But as I routinely say in my practice, “nothing is a problem until it becomes a problem.” Everything is in a constant state of growth — be it productive or counterproductive, negative or positive – and while a certain belief system or code of behaviour may work well for us for a certain period in our lives, we may one day wake up and find that this way of life is no longer satisfying. At this point, it is our responsibility to make the appropriate changes lest we begin to suffer. 

And so, I have realized that the root of much of my suffering is the result of excessive thinking and not enough being. I will be honest, I have always been good at living in the moment, and have taught many others to do the same; however, I sense that I am about to experience an entirely new depth of in-the-momentness. I have already been surprised to learn that this level is found in the most counter-intuitive place I can think of: my body. The place that was vacated long ago from an enlightenment perspective is the very place I will be visiting in a couple of months. I have signed up for a 10-day Buddhist meditation retreat. During this time, I will remain in complete silence and embark upon a journey to the heart of who I am – the real “am.”

I feel afraid, excited, and impatient to get on with it. Like all epiphanies, when you realize a long-standing, damaging pattern, it becomes so painfully obvious in your daily existence that you wonder how it went unnoticed for so long. But, let’s not speak of time. I am venturing into the eternal now. I hope to share the experience with you when I return. Until then, I will carry my addiction with me as I go about my day wondering above all else how I will be able to continue being an analyst for a living once I return. I am, afterall, the Thought Therapist?

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